Thursday, May 5, 2011

Dancing in the Minefields

***Please scroll down and turn off the Project Playlist music in the green box on the right hand side of the page before viewing this post***

I have read many time that sometimes you have those years where nothing seems to go as planned and your children may learn less "academics" but they certainly learn more about life.

This past year has been that year for us. A long awaited pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We lost our home. A new pregnancy meant 3 months of morning sickness in which I considered myself lucky if I could stay vertical for an hour at at time. Now we find out suddenly that my mother has stage 3 colorectal cancer.

What a year. What a 6 months, actually. I have cried, I have stressed, I have wondered what is the point of it all. I have been bitter, I have grieved, I have wanted to scream. I have been exhausted beyond belief and yet unable to sleep. I have been in pain both physically and emotionally.

But through it all there is one person who has been there. I know God is always there, but I'm talking an actual human person! My husband has held me up, put me to bed, soaked his shirts in my tears, left me alone when I needed it and held me when that was all that could be done. I told him last night, I'm always the strong one for everyone else, and I'm going to have to be strong for my mom now, so he's going to have to be strong for me. His response, "I always am." Which is true. He has loved me through my crazy hormones, my emotional up and downs, my OCD tendencies, my stress, my depression, my crisis of faith and my identity crisis. He has loved me when I did my best to push him away.

We have danced through some minefields. I have stepped on some landmines and caused myself some damage but he has been there for me to love me through it all and through his love and commitment I've managed to heal. I may be a little scarred and definitely a little mental at times, but that man, that wonderful man, in the midst of the chaos, he keeps me dancing anyway.

The following song came on the radio today and I just sat down and bawled. We really were 19 and 21 when we got married, and though we haven't made it to 15 years like he says in the song, we celebrated 10 years in March.

by Andrew Peterson

I was nineteen, you were twenty-one
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway

We bought our rings for forty each
From a pawn shop down the road
We made our vows and took the leap
Now fifteen years ago

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

"I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin
[ Lyrics from: http://ww
'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear

'Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you


And just in case you were wondering, no, we are not naming our baby Andrew because of this song, but the fact that an Andrew sings it does make me smile :)

1 comment:

  1. Such a blessing. I am so thankful that you have a godly husband to support you through all of this. Nothing can replace it on this earth. You know that pain and heartache is not in God's final plan for us as His children, but I know that it doesn't always help ease the pain of the trials that we are going through. In order to stand on the mountain tops and bask in God's glory, we have to endure the inevitable valleys between. Thank the Lord that we don't have to travel it alone! He is always with us and is a very present help in times of trouble. He will never leave us nor forsake us. We can take each step in this world because of the promise we have in eternity, where He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. This is not the end for us, for our names are written in the Lamb's Book of Life. Someone once told me that without pain there would be no compassion, and I agree wholeheartedly. You have many covering you and your mom in prayer, for endurance, perseverance, and strength. We don't always know how things are going to end, but God does, and we take comfort in knowing that not only can His plan work through any circumstance, but He can use all things for His glory, even pain and tribulation. If there is anything that we can do from the distance that we are at, please don't hesitate to let us know. For now, we will continue petitioning God on your and your mom's behalf. In all things, may glory be to Christ alone.

    Love, Brandy <3



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