Up With the Sun

In the past ten days, I've managed to be up before the sun nine times.  One day, oops, I thought "five more minutes" and the next thing I knew it was 7:15!  

The first few days were hard to drag myself out of bed.  These days it's getting easier and easier.  Most days I can have the house all straightened up, be dressed and ready for the day, have the school board written out with the day's assignments, and have some sort of breakfast cooking before the kids ever get up.

Andrew (the baby) sometimes gets up just after I do, and sometimes sleeps in.  On the days that he gets up, I take the time to change him, feed him, and then he sits happily in his high chair and plays while I do a quick cleaning and start breakfast.

The very first day I did this, my oldest daughter (who is always sleeping late) said, "Mom, if you'd make something good for breakfast like this every day, I'd get up a lot sooner."

Ouch.

The second day, my younger daughter said to me, "Mom, why are you in such a good mood?  It's like you're nice, and so everyone else is being nice."

Even bigger ouch!

It is stressful to me to have a house that isn't straightened up, and to feel like I get no time to myself, no quiet moments to think my own thoughts.  That stress translates into me being grumpy sometimes.  But when I get up early, the house is already clean - and I get to do it by myself, in the quiet, while sorting out my thoughts for the day.  So, while I'm preparing the home and food for everyone else, I'm preparing my own heart and mind for the day.

My next goal: get up early enough to make Tony breakfast before he leaves for work (I'll need to get up a half hour earlier even than what I am doing right now.)  And then to make sure to get some quiet Bible reading time each morning as well.  I can do it.  Baby steps!

Well, it's now 7:18 am.  I hear Andrew stirring.  Time to get him up and feed him, then start some breakfast for the rest of the family.  Have a blessed day, everyone!

Being Mindful

Today, as we go through the ins and outs of daily life with our husbands and children and all the work to be done in the home, stop and take a moment to think about this: are we MINDFUL or are our MINDS FULL?  

If your mind is too full of worry or stress, or if you're too busy planning days or weeks (or months!) ahead for menus or schoolwork, or if you're focused on your own desires instead of the needs of your family, then your MIND IS FULL.  If your MIND IS FULL, you cannot be truly MINDFUL of the things that matter.  

We must be mindful of the spirit within our home, within our children, within ourselves.  We should be full of the Holy Spirit but too often the pressures of daily living bring out the worst in us instead.  I challenge you to give you worries and stresses to God, plan for the future, yes, but do it this evening when the kids are in bed.  Die to self and live for others and for God.  Be mindful of the needs of your family.  Hug your children, kiss your husband.  Cook a special meal. Light a sweet smelling candle.  Open the windows if the weather allows and let some fresh air in.  Laugh a little.  Listen to your little one's stories.  Play with your kids.  Slip your arms around your husband when he gets home tonight and let him know how much you still love him.  Clean out some clutter and say good riddance.  Make something with your kids, ask your teenager how they're feeling.  

Remember to not be so MIND FULL that you are not MINDFUL.  Ask God to help you and I promise He will!

Because I'm Worth It!

Now, normally, I don't use "The Message" translation of the Bible, but I have found that sometimes it's just really good to read.  It can take verses I've heard a hundred times before and make them sound new and give me new insights into them.  So, here, the words from Proverbs 31 about the wife of noble character:


A good woman is hard to find, 
   and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve, 
   and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously 
   all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, 
   and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places 
   and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast 
   for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it, 
   then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, 
   rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work, 
   is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, 
   diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need, 
   reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; 
   their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing, 
   and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected 
   when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them, 
   brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant, 
   and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, 
   and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, 
   and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her; 
   her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things, 
   but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. 
   The woman to be admired and praised 
   is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves! 
   Festoon her life with praises!


This year for me is The Year of the Worthy Woman.  I want to be that woman whose worth is far above rubies or diamonds.  I want to be like this amazing woman who works so hard to make sure her husband and children are taken care of and loved.  I want to be worthy of having my children respect and bless me, and of having my husband praise me.


I am studying the words of this passage over and over, finding in them more and more things I can do in my own life to make me into the woman God thinks is worthy of admiration.  I am taking the passage apart by one or two verses at a time and planning to work on each area little by little until these things seem natural to me.  I will be posting a lot over the next few weeks (or months, even) as I venture forward on the path to worthiness!

Lessons from the Weasleys

I realize that many of the readers of this blog are not fans of Harry Potter, but bear with me. The Weasleys are a family in the Harry Potter series. Ron Weasley is Harry's best friend.
I think we could learn a lot from the Weasleys.
You see, the Weasleys have seven children, six boys and finally one girl! When a guest at the eldest Weasley son's wedding sees Harry disguised as a Weasley cousin, she remarks, "Another Weasley? You breed like gnomes!"

The Weasleys with their five youngest children,the older two have already grown and moved out

I have a pretty strong feeling that the Weasleys would have balked at the idea of birth control. They love their kids. I'm pretty sure the thought of limiting how many they have would been unthinkable to them.

But you see, a lot of people in the story think badly of the Weasleys. They think it irresponsible at best that the Weasleys have so many children. Why? Because the Weasleys don't have much else.

The Weasleys are dirt poor.

The Weasleys' home,
affectionately called The Burrow

Nice house, eh? The Weasleys live in a rundown old house. They wear hand me downs. They buy pretty much everything second hand. I think the only vacation they ever went on was one that Mr. Weasley won for them - a trip to Egypt to see the pyramids.

Mr. Weasley works in a job that he enjoys, but it doesn't pay much. This leads many people to believe that he is not capable of a better (read: higher paying) job, which is not the case. He just likes what he does, and money is not his driving force. Mrs. Weasley stays home to tend house and care for the children.

The Weasleys don't have a lot in the way of money or material possessions.

But when JK Rowling wrote this family into existence, she knew something many people do not.

The Weasleys, poor as they are, are the happiest, most loving group of people in the entire storyline.

The sitting room at the Burrow
mismatched furniture, homemade decor,
children's artwork on the walls

People love to come to the Burrow. It is a haven, a place of comfort and welcome to all weary friends and family members.

Ron's bedroom

Everyone knows they are welcome to stay the night if needed. The Weasleys will fit you in somewhere, as long as you don't mind being a little crowded.

The kitchen at the Burrow
While it doesn't look like a picture out of a magazine,
everyone knows they can stop in any time for a hot homecooked meal
or just some conversation 'round the table

The Burrow is a place of happiness, of contentment, of family and friendship and fun. The Weasleys don't care much about fancy things or name brand clothes or outward appearances. They know what really matters.

In contrast, we have the Dursleys, whom Harry has the misfortune of living with (though he heads off to the Burrow every chance he gets). The Dursleys are your classic middle-class suburbanites. They live in a neighborhood of row houses where blending in is a highly respected art form. Uncle Vernon goes off every day to a job that he likes to complain about, and Aunt Petunia stays home meticulously cleaning and polishing everything in the house while spoiling their only child absolutely rotten. Who wants to be like that?

Then there are the Malfoys, the uber-rich family of the story, who live in a huge old mansion, shop only at the finest stores, barely speak to each other, and basically live a miserable existence thinking they are so much better than everyone else. Um, no thanks.

So, you see, I want to be like the Weasleys. Boy oh boy, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley love each other so much, you can see it in the way they act. I love the part in the sixth movie when the Burrow is set on fire by the bad guys (a part not in the book, but the screenwriters at least did this:) Mr. Weasley is out in a field nearby, and at the sight of the house going up in flames, he says one word before running to help: "Molly." (That's Mrs. Weasley, for those who may not know.) All that was going on that night, and his first thought was of his wife. **tear**

And they love their children. They do what they think is best. They discipline. They teach. They make their kids help out around the house. They try to keep them from danger. They worry about them. They let them go when they must.

The Weasley siblings love each other as only siblings can, with a rough and tumble love born out of necessity. They get upset with each other from time to time, but in the end they know they can count on each other when it really matters.

So, the Millers (that's us) may not have a lot of money. We may never have a fancy house or fancy clothes. Fitting in will never be on our list of priorities. Neither will a spotless house.

But we will always have a home that says welcome. You can always get a meal here, even if it means thinning out the servings so that everyone gets a little less. In a pinch, you can sleep here (if you don't mind being a little crowded). You can come if you need to talk, or cry, or have someone to play with, or just find a little solace in hot chocolate and warm cookies.

Mr. Miller and I (heehee) will always be madly in love with each other, and we'll never have a problem with expressing it openly. We'll always love our kids, and they'll always love each other in spite of arguments.

We'll always welcome more kids, yes, even though it means the money has to stretch a little farther, the meals have to thin out a little more, and the house gets a little more crowded.

Because, like the Weasleys, we know what really matters.

Keeping the Peace

I’ve been reading – and loving – a book called Finding Your Purpose as a Mom by Donna Otto. First this book gave me the slam-bang epiphany that my home is holy ground, as absolutely sacred as any church building, because the work of God is done here on a daily basis.

Wow.

The other thing – well, one of the other things – that have really spoken to me in this book is the talk about peace in the home.

I have come to realize in the past few years that a peaceful home is not necessarily a quiet home. Quiet time is wonderful, of course, sometimes. But in a house with lots of kids quiet time will certainly be hard to come by! However, some of my most happy, content, peaceful times have been in the midst of loud singing, shrieking outdoor games, hysterical laughter, or voices of a dozen different people talking all at once. I was very glad to read in this book that I am not the only one that thinks noise can be very peaceful!

I have known some households, some families in which loudness – be it loud voices, loud laughter, loud singing, whatever, were not only discouraged but severely disciplined. Now, if you go and visit those households, you may, at first, be amazed and even slightly jealous of the quiet atmosphere. But the more time you spend in that house or with that family, you will come to realize that the quiet they have achieved is far from peaceful. Think of silent tension. These houses are filled with it. Children in these houses are not well-disciplined; they are well-punished, at the expense of crushing their fragile little spirits.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a time to be quiet. Children have to learn manners, inside/outside voices, appropriate and inappropriate times for jokes and games. But at home children should feel safe, loved, accepted. They should be able to laugh and shriek and have fun. I guarantee you that if you let your kids just be themselves the majority of the time, they will have such immense love for Mommy that they will gladly be quiet when she has a headache!

Peace is not necessarily quiet. What is peace? The dictionary has multiple definitions:

Peace, noun:
1. The absence of war or other hostilities.
2. An agreement or a treaty to end hostilities.
3. Freedom from quarrels and disagreement; harmonious relations: roommates living in peace with each other.
4. Public security and order: was arrested for disturbing the peace.
5. Inner contentment; serenity: peace of mind.

The Bible gives countless references to the word ‘peace’ as well…

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ~Colossians 3:15

Finally, brothers, good-by. Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. ~2 Corinthians 13:11

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. ~2 Thessalonians 3:16

And many others!

So, what is peace? In short, peace is the presence of God. There is no peace without Him! God grants us His peace, a contentment, a happiness, a faith and trust that all will be cared and provided for, a resting in the comfort of another.

But the thing I’ve been thinking about while reading this book is not what peace is. It’s what peace-making is. Everyone knows that verse from the Beatitudes:

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God. ~Matthew 5:9

If you’re like me, when you hear the word “peacemakers” you tend to think of the people who break up fights, the referees, the neutral parties in any argument or fight. But I think this way of thinking is wrong. Those people I’ve just described are better called “peacekeepers.” But you can’t keep the peace until you’ve made the peace!

Of course, as I said above, true peace only comes from God. But, remember, if you are a Christian, Christ dwells in you! Whatever attributes God possesses are there inside you, waiting for you to claim them!

As mothers, we are to be the peace makers in out homes. To do this, we must create a truly peaceful atmosphere. Our job is not just to break up fights and sibling squabbles, but to create an environment that minimizes the chance for these squabbles to even happen. This also means creating a peaceful feeling between ourselves and our spouses, and between us parents and our children.

How do you do this? I’m not going to claim to be an expert, but here are some thoughts I have…

Remember that definition of peace up above? Let’s go through it, one piece at a time, and examine how we can address each area.

The absence of war or other hostilities.
What is likely to cause arguments and fights in your house? Thinking ahead can alleviate a great many squabbles! Clear-cut (and age-appropriate) rules about toys, chores, TV time, etc. go a long way to avoiding fights. For spouses, clearly-established priorities are a must! Married people need to be on the same page about all important life factors or the result will always be disastrous!

An agreement or a treaty to end hostilities.
What about when the rare (hopefully!) fight does break out? Fairness and forgiveness are crucial. Kids especially need to know that if they are disciplined for something today, brother or sister will also get disciplined for that same thing if they do it tomorrow. Double standards are absolute no-nos. Consistent means of conflict resolutions are wonderful!

Freedom from quarrels and disagreement; harmonious relations.
There will always be some quarreling. We’re sinful beings, after all! But the way to make peace anyway is to learn to (and teach our kids by example and consistency) express opinions and views in calm ways. People will not always agree on everything, and that’s OK. Each of us is entitled to our own opinions, and it needs to be a rule in every peaceful household that the opinions of other house members must be listened to and respected, whether you agree or not. The only place this becomes a problem is that children will often be of the opinion that something the parent says or expects is not fair! In this case, it is our job, as moms (and dads) to examine what we’ve said or done and decide if it is fair! If it is, and the child still wants to argue, go to the Ultimate Authority! The Bible is full of wisdom and instruction that even young children can understand! As children obey their parents, parents must obey God! If our reasoning is a sound, “Because God commands it,” there is no room to argue and children will quickly learn to accept this if it is presented consistently in their lives and lived out in example by their parents.

Public security and order.
Kids thrive on routine. Familiarity. Schedules. Some kids need it more than others, but a standard schedule and set of rules in a household and family will work wonders. Get the kids in on the act by creating your family rules together. Make sure chore divisions are fair and age-appropriate and that everyone does their part. Make sure there is no favoritism toward one child over another (or toward all children except one!). Again, referring back to the Ultimate Authority of God’s Word is the way to go. Kids need to know that they will be safe, protected, both physically and emotionally/spiritually in their homes, safe from the outside world but also from their parents’ tempers or their siblings’ hurtful words. Create rules and schedule, make them fair and attainable, and stick to them.

Inner contentment; serenity.

What is the one thing most likely to give you inner contentment? Well, God, of course, but what else? I think it’s knowing that you are worth something, you are valuable. You have meaning and purpose in life, in your family, and in your home. You are a unique individual, an amazing and much-loved creation of both your parents (or spouse, as the case may be) as well as of God! To instill these feelings in our selves, spouses, and children, we must treasure and cherish the individuality of each member of our families. No one can be truly happy when they are no different than anyone else (though many people seem to think they could be). If a child excels in something, celebrate it! Teach your other kids to be happy for and proud of their siblings (or their parents!) for their abilities and accomplishments. Everyone has something that they are good at – and, yes, something that they are better at than everyone else in the house. That’s OK! Celebrate the amazing differences, the wide array of skills, gifts, and abilities God has blessed individual members with in order to make a truly amazing family!


I want to share a few of the ways we personally make peace in our home.

I’m home all day with the kids, so by bedtime I am desperate for alone time. Tony realizes this. He knows that I need time by myself to regroup and re-energize so that then I can devote attention to him. Most nights find me in bed alone – a good thing, I promise! – shortly after the kids go to bed. I read or write, or catch up with friends online! Sometimes I just lie in bed and enjoy NOT having to go, go, go, and do, do, do! Often Tony will come to bed later, or sometimes I’ll get back up, and we’ll talk or snuggle, or…well, we are trying to conceive! But he knows that I need that time to de-stress before I can really focus, lovingly, on him.

My kids are all very different – Katy is an amazing artist, Becca is a gifted singer and writer, Jake is a math whiz and our comic relief! They like to watch different things, play different things, read different things, and we have made a point to try to encourage each of them in their own interests and pursuits. We also encourage them to really take an interest in the things each other is doing and cheer each other on instead of being jealous or feeling inadequate.

My husband is a wonderful man who works 10 hour days. Anxious as I am for him to get home in the evenings, I gladly “let” him go do other things a couple of times a week. On Tuesdays he has bowling league and on Thursdays he has RPG with his buddies. I like knowing that he is getting his own personal re-charge!

I know there are other things we do and I’m sure there are many things YOU do! Feel free to share your thoughts, ideas, and examples!